“Am I being a lazy underachiever? Or, is that exactly what a neurotic overachiever would call themselves?”

Should I be focused on work today? Is a half day a good compromise? Do people usually work the day after Christmas? I’m on my computer anyways, what’s the difference? Besides, then I could cross a few things off my list…

Ugh, my list. It grows by the day. All I do is cross things off of it, yet it grows with no end in sight. Is this “being productive”? Is this better than playing videogames for 10 hours? How? To who? And why? I have all these ideas that I feel like would be successful, and yet I can’t pursue any of them, because of everything else on my list.

Is the list helping me succeed, or is the list a cluster of things preventing me from my actual goals?

How the hell would I even know? Nobody can tell me. And if someone did, regardless of their viewpoint, I’m certain I’d disagree with them. It’s like spending money on decorations; “is it worth it?” – and who knows. They provide value, sure – so, the question must be “do they provide more value than they cost?”. What’s the exchange?

My list connects my goals to my actions. My list can be stressful, however it should be oriented around my goals, and so completing things from the list should bring me closer to them. If it does, then the list is helpful. If not… then maybe I need a new plan.

I keep putting off my goal-oriented items because I have obligation-related items getting in my way. Maybe I just need to stop doing that.

“…today?”
“Is that a “good use of time”?
“Shouldn’t you be enjoying the day off?”

I’m going to just pick a time, do X until that time, then do the opposite afterwards. Work for 2 hours, then play for 2 hours. Hedge my bets, sort of. Can’t be making the wrong choice if I choose both things, right? And does everybody else put this much thought into what they’re doing every day? Or do they just wake up and DO things? What would THAT be like?

Maybe after X:00, I’ll sit down and ponder it…